I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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