she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
