My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
