I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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