Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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