i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
