u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize