3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
