OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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