hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
how does that bad decision feel?
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