that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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