Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
