Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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