Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
