take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
