Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
