lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize