He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
