eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
