i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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