he puts the penis in happiness.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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