Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
