if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
