I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize