I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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