My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize