True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
