I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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