Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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