Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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