All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
