Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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