do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
