This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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