Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
