why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
