I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
