Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize