I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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