I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
