Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
