i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
