I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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