So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
