Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
