does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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