are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
