You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
