Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
