I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
