Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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