I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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