seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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