the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
