Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
