its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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