your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please don't give away my fajitas
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
