Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
