I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
