i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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