At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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