Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
